The price of a tear!

Since a week I have been staying at Vasai and hence travelling by the most famous and crowded Virar locals! Every morning, when I stand in the crowded ladies compartment of a train, with almost 50-60 other ladies; at least 20 around me…real close:-p, getting pushed & pulled from all the directions and to all the directions, feeling people’s touch almost everywhere…AND one thought recurring every few minutes – our morning is worse than that of the cattle’s!!

In India, one among a few countries with a most promising present and future...people travelling by local trains are deprived of something as basic as fresh air or a space to stand on both the feet.

Yesterday having experienced the same turmoil in the morning, I was prepared to face the evening music. But what happened left me speechless and disturbed!

The train was decently crowded at Jogeshwari when I got in but with every station the crowd was increasing. At Borivali, when there was literally no space left for anyone to get in, couple of girls attempted to get in. One of those girls got so angry on the other girl that she tried to push her out of the running train and it went to an extend where that girls clothes got torn in the entire havoc.

At Bhayander when I came out, I saw a girl standing on the door, crying! There were at least 10 other women who could see her tears but none spoke or reacted! I had this sudden urge to give her a hug and tell her that it’s all right, but I couldn’t reach her. She and I both got down at Vasai and I approached her asking whether she is ok and she broke into tears. When I gave her a hug, she was shivering. I walked with her few steps telling her it’s ok, forget what happened. Near a foot over bridge where we were to part ways she said, ’my baby is very small, he waits for me be home soon and hence I take such a risk to get into a crowded train’

As we parted our ways I had tears in my eyes. I was sad, angry, disturbed, and scared all at once. It made me think, how have we reached here? A place where we fail to see other person’s grief, a place where we are so self-obsessed and self-center that we fail to recognize others as our fellow mates on this planet earth? What is this development that we are heading towards? Where human beings are treated worse than animals, where life makes it so difficult for them to be there for others? Technology is bringing the world closer but then why is the distant between hearts widening with every step we take towards pseudo success?

Where are we going to go from here?

What is it that it will take for me to realize that a tear dropped from your eye is as precious as a tear dropped from my eye?

That it is neither money nor wealth nor do material possessions will ever be sufficient to pay a price for a tear, as it’s the love and compassion that we really need for LiFe!

Can my non-violence lead to your violence?

This and many such questions came to my mind after I saw a Marathi play ‘Mi Nathuram 

Godse boltoy’ (मी नथुराम गोडसे बोलतोय). It’s about Nathuram Godse, the person who killed Mahatma Gandhi.

It made me think what is the first thing that comes to my mind when I say or hear Gandhi, the answer is – Non Violence – अहिंसा and may be the next to follow would be    सत्याग्रह.

Since the beginning I have been skeptical about Gandhi’s idea of non-violence - कोई एक गाल पे थप्पड़ मरे तोह दूसरा गाल आगे करो.

To me non-violence means seeing that no act of mine should lead to any violence (be it physical, emotional, psychological) to others and to self as well. And thus an act of walking fast is to me a form of violence to self, to one’s own body, mind and heart.

In the play, the character Nathuram Godse explains why he disagrees to Gandhi’s value of non-violence and the fact that any action taken to protect self is not violence but one’s कर्तव्य to oneself.

This got me thinking – Did Gandhi’s value of non-violence led to violence on/for others?

Well I don’t really have an answer to this question but I want to illustrate couple of incidences which if thought deeply may give us some insight.

# Just before Independence when there were discussions about who will be our first Prime Minister, Gen. Jinnah expressed his wish to be India’s Prime Minister and threatened that if not fulfilled it will lead to communal riots. Gandhi to avoid violence decided to go partition. Partition – A thought and act which was born out of value of non-violence led to killing of so many innocents, led to violence for so many people!

# Post Independence, when Gandhi wanted to support Pakistan by providing financial aid, India’s entire cabinet was initially against it…so Gandhi went on a hunger strike. It created a pressure on the cabinet who ultimately decided to support Pakistan with an aid of 55cr. If we look at this incidence closely, there is so much of violence that was born out of the hunger strike.

Firstly, post this decision, Nathuram Godse decided that before it’s too late he needs to bring an end to this and thus killed Gandhi. Gandhi’s act of non-violence brought to an end by Nathuram’s act of violence!

Secondly, Gandhi’s hunger strike created lot of pressure on the Ministry who had to take a decision in favor of Gandhi. This is the case of emotional violence and also an emotional blackmail. Gandhi was well aware of how much he was loved by everyone and hence knew that seeing him in danger would led to melting of hearts.

Thirdly when Gandhi sat on a fast he deprived his body of some of the basic things that it needs to function. Thereby being violent to one’s own body. This although being a very subtle form is also a form of violence which is not very easily accepted by people. We sometimes forget that we owe a lot to our own body and an act of fasting although being purely non-violent is actually a form of violence!

While each one of us as individuals hold certain values, ethics for us to live a better, more harmonious, responsible life; we sometimes forget that these very values can lead to an exact opposite impact on someone else’s life. Do values also have paradox, are they also relative and not absolute in its purest form. I am not saying that every act of non-violence by Gandhi was with an intention of creating violence, but history shows that some did…

BTW…I still don’t have an answer to my question but I think it’s one of those question which if unanswered helps you more than if it is answered!

The city of JOY – Kolkata!!!

When I got to know that I will be visiting Kolkata, I was super duper excited!! The first thing that came to mind was – Yellow Taxis and of course Sourav Ganguly J

As I was sharing it with my friends how excited I was, they joined in the excitement and a day before I was to leave for Kolkata, I had a long list of – things I must do, must see, must eat and shopJ

The moment I stepped out of the airport, felt the air and looked around…I felt beautiful not because I saw a great view but because of the way the city felt.  The last I had felt the same was when I was in Hyderabad…it’s not possible to express in words but in the middle of the chaos and traffic at North 24 Parganas, I was seeing the life lived by people on the street and felt calm and peaceful.

We were put up at Gariahat Road, which is one of the happening areas of Kolkata with shopping malls, university, Ram Krishna Mission and lots of good places around it. The evening when I went for a walk, one of the things that struck me was – NO ONE WAS RUNNING…THERE WAS NO RUSH!! People were taking their time to walk, talk, share a laugh…the city gives a space just to ‘BE’ and unlike Mumbai, people were not very keen on ‘BECOMING’!!

One of the most amazing things was on the National Bandh Day, in the night at 8-8.30 the roads were empty with very few vehicles, but the cars stopped at the red light, in spite of no traffic from the other side! For that one minute when the signal was red, I felt so awesome…vow!!!

So the first day, I found myself under a lot of pressure of seeing those ‘must see’ places, eating ‘must eat’ food and shopping but when I went for a walk alone in the evening, I let go of all that and decided to go with the flow and what followed was some beautiful conversations with strangers, sharing a laugh with kids, randomly smiling at people on the street…and seeing confused reactions and sometimes beautiful smiles JJ

If you don't play with me, I won't talk to you!!

Next day onwards, I spent the evenings on the street, talking to street side vendors, listening to their stories, helping the rag-picker carry the rags, playing carom and marbles with kids on the street, watching people play chess with so much intensity and concentration in the middle of the street and smiling and talking to anyone I felt like!!

Life!!!

It’s so beautiful…Life is!! Isn’t itJ

Somitro, Shibu and Me :-)!!

One of the co-participants at the workshop, Sr. Clara jokingly asked me, where you are going to keep all these beautiful memories that you are collecting and I happen to answer – In my heart! We have a big big heart, which can be filled with so much love and compassion, but it’s interesting to see how lot of time we use the heart space to store feelings like insecurity, ego, ambitions, arrogance, worry and thus are left with very little space for love and compassionJ As I was talking to those people, playing with kids, hugging them, it was beautiful to feel that I wasn’t thinking of when will I get to meet them again, the desire to spend more time with them..as both me and that man/ woman/ kid were spending those moments by completely being in ‘NOW’ and the relationship we shared for those moments was so pure and wasn’t clouded with attachments, expectations…I felt beautiful to be able to live life like that…in that moment with my heart and soul!!

Komal with her Granny. The entire family migrated from a village near Jaipur to Kolkata  in search of livelihood

We all our treading a different path…some with the same destination or goal or a purpose. I don’t see myself giving more importance to the destination as it’s the journey which makes it worthwhile!! And on this journey, when I meet different people whose paths are crossing mine, it’s not important for me how much of their struggle I will be able to be part of, what is important is how I can give my heart and soul and love and compassion to everyone I meet…for everyone of us is the most beautiful person!! J

So after spending 4 days in Kolkata, I did not see any of the ‘must see’ places or ate any ‘must eat’ food (did shop a lot though!), but I met some most amazingly awesomely beautiful people and smiled and laughed a lotJ!!!

This feeling of being able to love and be loved is joyful!!

Thanks Kolkata for bringing me closer to LifeJ!!!

Every child is special!

I read this on a T-shirt worn by a boy in Government Children’s Home. Below this was written ‘Department of Woman & Child Development’.

But is every child really special? Over last one and half week, I was part of and came across incidences which tells me that practically it’s an over ambitious statement not only for the Government but also for the development sector and society at large!

Beginning of last week, we found a 7-8yr old girl who could not speak and was mentally challenged. We contacted around 4-5 institutions to check with them whether they can admit her in their home. Some said NO because of lack of capacity, some because of the provisions mentioned in the acts governing such homes.

She was finally taken to a Government Home, a place where children with special needs are put together with other children in need of care and protection. Although our intention was good, we could not take her to the place where she would have given extra care and attention.

During one of my weekly visits to Government home, I saw a 14-15yr old boy who could not speak and was handicapped from his legs below knees. I have seen him even once before. Both the times when he was to be presented to the child welfare committee, the only caretaker who accompanied him was a 12yr old boy! There was no one else to help him walk, no one to pick him up as he could not climb up the stairs!!

Just before the weekend there was a girl found on one of the railway stations, she looked ill and sick. When taken to the doctor, the doctor said she is at the last stage of the TB and there are no chances of her to be saved. She doesn’t have a father and her mother seemed mentally unstable. The little girl passed away on Saturday :(

Yet, Every Child is Special!

The spiritual and philosophical side of me tells me that this was meant to happen! You play a role which you are supposed to. Well, agreed to a certain extent, but I strongly believe that we shape our own destiny and make our own life with the choices we make.

The practical side of me is now trying to find out ways in which some of these issues can be addressed. Questioning the way it is done till now…questioning the approach and the attitude…hoping I will reach a place beyond the battle of my rights v/s your responsibilities….a place where ‘Every child is special’ is more close to reality.

But I must admit here…that I am scared! Firstly of being getting used to all this, getting into the trap of right doing and wrong undoing and losing my emotions and I am pessimistic thinking we as a community have reached a stage from where it might become impossible for us to return…and the situation is slowly yet steadily going out of our hands, waiting to explode someday…SOON!!

(The views and opinions mentioned are strictly individual and not part of being any organization)

The Night!

The night has come after a long time
…
Alas...It was a long wait! But a wait worth while!

This is one of those nights when the stars are asking me to be awake with them…for they 


missed me for a long time! 

When the Moon says – I have so much to talk…are you all ears…don’t you sleep!

Somewhere in the distant land, I can hear the sounds of night…I can feel the silence...

Oh how I longed for this night!!!

A New Day !

Happy Birthday to Me :)!

Do I...Should I...Will I...Will It ???

Will this ever change?

Will you ever understand what I really want?

Can you look through my eyes, see and feel what I go through when I work 12-14hrs a day without even going to toilet?

Do I want to go to school?

Do I want to be with my family?

Do I love going to work?

Do I like living on the street?

Do I love the city life, the freedom that I get, the drugs that I take, the time I spent on footpath?

Do I want to go back home?

Do I want to learn a skill to get a good job?

I really DO NOT KNOW!!!

But I also don’t know why you are asking me all these questions?

Why can’t you just let me BE!!

I will talk when I WANT TO…not when I am ASKED TO…
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Wrote this one during the workshop I recently attended on child labour. Somewhere felt that the most urgent need of an hour is to look into the eyes of these children, listen to them and let them BE!! Due to our constant guilt and ambition of making the world a better place for children, we fail to realize that we are simply experimenting with them. Be it...rescuing them from work and dumping into the Govt. home or into an NGO shelter or send them back home. 


We are in so much hurry to make things RIGHT that as soon as we see any child alone, our immediate reaction is - Let's get him to some place safe...the assumption being the place where he is right now is not SAFE and he is not HAPPY being just there!!


At the beginning of this journey that I have undertaken to resolve the issue of Child Labour, I am facing a moral question - Who am I to decide that the child is better off with his family or at shelter and not when he is working at a Zari factory? How can I decide that education is ONE solution for all the children and that every child should not work but go to school?


Who am I to decide? ?


I am trying as hard as I can to remind myself every time that in this journey, I should not take actions to do what I feel is right, but my first responsibility is to listen to these children and give them the space they require...for may be all they need is TIME!