Miracle, Wonder, Mystery!!

In last two days what I experienced in nothing short of a miracle. Couple of days ago, while in Kanpur I was feeling a bit depressed & uneasy. I wasn’t really sure why I was feeling that but I really wanted to return home at the earliest. I had no confirmed ticket to come back and hence on the morning of 27^th, I was mentally prepared that I will travel unreserved as it’s just the matter of 24 hrs. So many conversations back & forth, within and also with people around! How will I go, Its Uttar Pradesh! Should I take a flight? Should I wait one more day? Should I go to Delhi and try train ticket from there? But the inner voice was constant – I will board the train from Kanpur in the afternoon and will reach somehow! I did not panic and neither was I worried (here goes the first miracle:-p)

So we reached the station ~11.45 a.m and realized our train was about an hour late. My friend had to change the boarding so we started to visit different offices to check as to how we can do that. As always we were made to go from one person to another with no proper direction. After resting for a while, I told my friend to wait and I decided to go alone to figure out something. While walking on the platform, I took a deep breath and started thinking positive. Suddenly I saw I was in front of the ‘Head TT’ office. I went inside & explained him both of ours problem and he readily agreed to help both of us. He called an office in Jhansi and spoke to him about the change in the boarding and when my train came, he allotted me a confirm 

seat!!!

Words failed to express how amazingly awesome I felt!! He truly was an angle sent by the Universe!

Aren’t the ways of universe so mysterious to make you realize how beautiful life is!! Just two days ago I was feeling sad and was thinking how fate never favors me & then this happens! Again reminding me of how nothing in this life is permanent and how one will receive generosity in the most unexpected ways and at the most unexpected timesJ And in such times, being grateful for the experiences makes life blissful & blessed!!

Receiving Kindness and Love

This has been my new pursuit!

It came as a very welcoming insight during a lovely conversation I had with a friend. When he asked me how comfortable I am with receiving love – I hesitated a bit but eventually accepted that yeah I am not that great at it. As I reflect, I realized that I am more of a giving person and have always believed that in giving I shall receive.

But it has been an interesting series of incidences that I experienced in last week where I watched myself closely every time someone tried to be kind to me or extended his/her love to me and initially I felt the same uneasiness I have been feeling but overcoming that and accepting love and kindness from those lovely people made me feel very beautiful :-)

Kindness when comes totally unexpected makes you feel grateful to life and existence eternally.

While on our way back from watching a movie, I suddenly realized that I forgot to buy the chaipatti for home. Sharing it with a friend in rickshaw, I was expressing how I will have to get up and get the chaipatti first thing in the morning else my brother would get really mad. After having a brief conversation about this, we got on talking about the movie and life at large. By the time we stopped the auto near her building, I had totally forgotten about the chaipatti and was saying her goodbye. Suddenly, the auto driver said – ‘Yaha se kharid lo chaipatti’  :-) I was speechless for a minute while my friend acted quickly and got me a small pack. When he started the auto, I thanked him, again and again. He shared how he would have felt if he was to get the chaipatti the first thing in the morning. He said he would get very angry on himself for forgetting it and said I would have felt the same way. 

I had no words to express how beautiful and grateful I was feeling. We had never met before and we may never meet again, but what he did was so thoughtful and considerate that I felt blessed to have received such kindness :-)

After having such blissful evening, yesterday I met one of my dearest friends from old days. We met after four years and had a lot of catching up to do. After sometime of our meeting, she opened this big bag and started giving me all the gifts that she had collected for me since couple of years. I was feeling very overwhelming and a bit uneasy. I did not get her anything because it was too late by the time I reached her home and my visit was planned at a very short notice. This made me feel a little bad and to add to it I was not comfortable receiving so many gifts. She saw the concern on my face and said to me – My biggest gift is your presence. In a minute or so, with a smile on my face I accepted all her gifts with open heart and saw how happy it made her.

I love this feeling, because it’s a new feeling for me. To let someone care for me, to receive love without being worried or burden about having to give it back and to receive it with smile and gratitude :-)

In giving you shall receive and in receiving you shall give :-)!!

Hugo

‘You are cruel’, said Papa Georges to Hugo.

Last night I saw one of the most beautiful films I have seen till date – Hugo.

Out of so many dialogues, I am still stuck to this one. What must have that old man felt, how intense is his hurt that he is complied to say this to a child of a tender age.

To me it also reflected how the character of Papa Georges was deeply attached to his dreams and how sad he became at a sight of seeing them all coming out flying from a box in which he thought he had suppressed them.

Dreams! One of my most favorite mysteries! And perhaps that’s why I loved this particular film so much.

There is a particular feeling to the film, the feeling which makes you look at every experience in your life with so much positivity and possibilities.

Papa Georges’s character successfully makes us hate him during the times when he hated Hugo…hated him for bringing the possibilities of all his dreams back in his life. I loved one of the line he says to a young boy ‘If you've ever wondered where your dreams come from, you look around... this is where they're made’ And by ‘here’ he meant on the sets of his films. He is shown to be someone who realized that films have the power to dream, to imagine and to make its audience believe in the power of dreams.

To me the film took an interestingly happy turn in the second half, when Hugo decides to fix Papa Georges after fixing an automaton. Another simple yet brilliant dialogue – ‘I’d imagine the whole world was one big machine. Machines never come with any extra parts, you know. They always come with the exact amount they need. So I figured, if the entire world was one big machine, I couldn't be an extra part. I had to be here for some reason. And that means you have to be here for some reason, too.’ Says Hugo to Isabelle when the two of them were talking about their purpose of being in the world. Totally loved the machine analogy!

Never before have I written about any film and how it impacted me, but what attracted me to this film is its simplicity, its closeness to the life, Hugo can be any child we see on the streets, Papa Georges can very well be someone who we interact with everyday.

The film successfully depicts how dreams affect positively as well as negatively. Its power is superlative when they come true, they make our life more beautiful and exciting. But when they are shattered or when no one believes in them, we are sad, depressed and the first thing we do is we suppress our dreams and we dream no more!

 But how important it is that we love our dreams…not because they will come true one day, not because others believe in them, but because what I dream is what only I can dream, so my dreams become my purest form of creativity, the one which comes from heart and soul.

Dreams aren't relative, dreams are absolute :-)

Go dream with Hugo :-)

The price of a tear!

Since a week I have been staying at Vasai and hence travelling by the most famous and crowded Virar locals! Every morning, when I stand in the crowded ladies compartment of a train, with almost 50-60 other ladies; at least 20 around me…real close:-p, getting pushed & pulled from all the directions and to all the directions, feeling people’s touch almost everywhere…AND one thought recurring every few minutes – our morning is worse than that of the cattle’s!!

In India, one among a few countries with a most promising present and future...people travelling by local trains are deprived of something as basic as fresh air or a space to stand on both the feet.

Yesterday having experienced the same turmoil in the morning, I was prepared to face the evening music. But what happened left me speechless and disturbed!

The train was decently crowded at Jogeshwari when I got in but with every station the crowd was increasing. At Borivali, when there was literally no space left for anyone to get in, couple of girls attempted to get in. One of those girls got so angry on the other girl that she tried to push her out of the running train and it went to an extend where that girls clothes got torn in the entire havoc.

At Bhayander when I came out, I saw a girl standing on the door, crying! There were at least 10 other women who could see her tears but none spoke or reacted! I had this sudden urge to give her a hug and tell her that it’s all right, but I couldn’t reach her. She and I both got down at Vasai and I approached her asking whether she is ok and she broke into tears. When I gave her a hug, she was shivering. I walked with her few steps telling her it’s ok, forget what happened. Near a foot over bridge where we were to part ways she said, ’my baby is very small, he waits for me be home soon and hence I take such a risk to get into a crowded train’

As we parted our ways I had tears in my eyes. I was sad, angry, disturbed, and scared all at once. It made me think, how have we reached here? A place where we fail to see other person’s grief, a place where we are so self-obsessed and self-center that we fail to recognize others as our fellow mates on this planet earth? What is this development that we are heading towards? Where human beings are treated worse than animals, where life makes it so difficult for them to be there for others? Technology is bringing the world closer but then why is the distant between hearts widening with every step we take towards pseudo success?

Where are we going to go from here?

What is it that it will take for me to realize that a tear dropped from your eye is as precious as a tear dropped from my eye?

That it is neither money nor wealth nor do material possessions will ever be sufficient to pay a price for a tear, as it’s the love and compassion that we really need for LiFe!

Can my non-violence lead to your violence?

This and many such questions came to my mind after I saw a Marathi play ‘Mi Nathuram 

Godse boltoy’ (मी नथुराम गोडसे बोलतोय). It’s about Nathuram Godse, the person who killed Mahatma Gandhi.

It made me think what is the first thing that comes to my mind when I say or hear Gandhi, the answer is – Non Violence – अहिंसा and may be the next to follow would be    सत्याग्रह.

Since the beginning I have been skeptical about Gandhi’s idea of non-violence - कोई एक गाल पे थप्पड़ मरे तोह दूसरा गाल आगे करो.

To me non-violence means seeing that no act of mine should lead to any violence (be it physical, emotional, psychological) to others and to self as well. And thus an act of walking fast is to me a form of violence to self, to one’s own body, mind and heart.

In the play, the character Nathuram Godse explains why he disagrees to Gandhi’s value of non-violence and the fact that any action taken to protect self is not violence but one’s कर्तव्य to oneself.

This got me thinking – Did Gandhi’s value of non-violence led to violence on/for others?

Well I don’t really have an answer to this question but I want to illustrate couple of incidences which if thought deeply may give us some insight.

# Just before Independence when there were discussions about who will be our first Prime Minister, Gen. Jinnah expressed his wish to be India’s Prime Minister and threatened that if not fulfilled it will lead to communal riots. Gandhi to avoid violence decided to go partition. Partition – A thought and act which was born out of value of non-violence led to killing of so many innocents, led to violence for so many people!

# Post Independence, when Gandhi wanted to support Pakistan by providing financial aid, India’s entire cabinet was initially against it…so Gandhi went on a hunger strike. It created a pressure on the cabinet who ultimately decided to support Pakistan with an aid of 55cr. If we look at this incidence closely, there is so much of violence that was born out of the hunger strike.

Firstly, post this decision, Nathuram Godse decided that before it’s too late he needs to bring an end to this and thus killed Gandhi. Gandhi’s act of non-violence brought to an end by Nathuram’s act of violence!

Secondly, Gandhi’s hunger strike created lot of pressure on the Ministry who had to take a decision in favor of Gandhi. This is the case of emotional violence and also an emotional blackmail. Gandhi was well aware of how much he was loved by everyone and hence knew that seeing him in danger would led to melting of hearts.

Thirdly when Gandhi sat on a fast he deprived his body of some of the basic things that it needs to function. Thereby being violent to one’s own body. This although being a very subtle form is also a form of violence which is not very easily accepted by people. We sometimes forget that we owe a lot to our own body and an act of fasting although being purely non-violent is actually a form of violence!

While each one of us as individuals hold certain values, ethics for us to live a better, more harmonious, responsible life; we sometimes forget that these very values can lead to an exact opposite impact on someone else’s life. Do values also have paradox, are they also relative and not absolute in its purest form. I am not saying that every act of non-violence by Gandhi was with an intention of creating violence, but history shows that some did…

BTW…I still don’t have an answer to my question but I think it’s one of those question which if unanswered helps you more than if it is answered!

The city of JOY – Kolkata!!!

When I got to know that I will be visiting Kolkata, I was super duper excited!! The first thing that came to mind was – Yellow Taxis and of course Sourav Ganguly J

As I was sharing it with my friends how excited I was, they joined in the excitement and a day before I was to leave for Kolkata, I had a long list of – things I must do, must see, must eat and shopJ

The moment I stepped out of the airport, felt the air and looked around…I felt beautiful not because I saw a great view but because of the way the city felt.  The last I had felt the same was when I was in Hyderabad…it’s not possible to express in words but in the middle of the chaos and traffic at North 24 Parganas, I was seeing the life lived by people on the street and felt calm and peaceful.

We were put up at Gariahat Road, which is one of the happening areas of Kolkata with shopping malls, university, Ram Krishna Mission and lots of good places around it. The evening when I went for a walk, one of the things that struck me was – NO ONE WAS RUNNING…THERE WAS NO RUSH!! People were taking their time to walk, talk, share a laugh…the city gives a space just to ‘BE’ and unlike Mumbai, people were not very keen on ‘BECOMING’!!

One of the most amazing things was on the National Bandh Day, in the night at 8-8.30 the roads were empty with very few vehicles, but the cars stopped at the red light, in spite of no traffic from the other side! For that one minute when the signal was red, I felt so awesome…vow!!!

So the first day, I found myself under a lot of pressure of seeing those ‘must see’ places, eating ‘must eat’ food and shopping but when I went for a walk alone in the evening, I let go of all that and decided to go with the flow and what followed was some beautiful conversations with strangers, sharing a laugh with kids, randomly smiling at people on the street…and seeing confused reactions and sometimes beautiful smiles JJ

If you don't play with me, I won't talk to you!!

Next day onwards, I spent the evenings on the street, talking to street side vendors, listening to their stories, helping the rag-picker carry the rags, playing carom and marbles with kids on the street, watching people play chess with so much intensity and concentration in the middle of the street and smiling and talking to anyone I felt like!!

Life!!!

It’s so beautiful…Life is!! Isn’t itJ

Somitro, Shibu and Me :-)!!

One of the co-participants at the workshop, Sr. Clara jokingly asked me, where you are going to keep all these beautiful memories that you are collecting and I happen to answer – In my heart! We have a big big heart, which can be filled with so much love and compassion, but it’s interesting to see how lot of time we use the heart space to store feelings like insecurity, ego, ambitions, arrogance, worry and thus are left with very little space for love and compassionJ As I was talking to those people, playing with kids, hugging them, it was beautiful to feel that I wasn’t thinking of when will I get to meet them again, the desire to spend more time with them..as both me and that man/ woman/ kid were spending those moments by completely being in ‘NOW’ and the relationship we shared for those moments was so pure and wasn’t clouded with attachments, expectations…I felt beautiful to be able to live life like that…in that moment with my heart and soul!!

Komal with her Granny. The entire family migrated from a village near Jaipur to Kolkata  in search of livelihood

We all our treading a different path…some with the same destination or goal or a purpose. I don’t see myself giving more importance to the destination as it’s the journey which makes it worthwhile!! And on this journey, when I meet different people whose paths are crossing mine, it’s not important for me how much of their struggle I will be able to be part of, what is important is how I can give my heart and soul and love and compassion to everyone I meet…for everyone of us is the most beautiful person!! J

So after spending 4 days in Kolkata, I did not see any of the ‘must see’ places or ate any ‘must eat’ food (did shop a lot though!), but I met some most amazingly awesomely beautiful people and smiled and laughed a lotJ!!!

This feeling of being able to love and be loved is joyful!!

Thanks Kolkata for bringing me closer to LifeJ!!!

Every child is special!

I read this on a T-shirt worn by a boy in Government Children’s Home. Below this was written ‘Department of Woman & Child Development’.

But is every child really special? Over last one and half week, I was part of and came across incidences which tells me that practically it’s an over ambitious statement not only for the Government but also for the development sector and society at large!

Beginning of last week, we found a 7-8yr old girl who could not speak and was mentally challenged. We contacted around 4-5 institutions to check with them whether they can admit her in their home. Some said NO because of lack of capacity, some because of the provisions mentioned in the acts governing such homes.

She was finally taken to a Government Home, a place where children with special needs are put together with other children in need of care and protection. Although our intention was good, we could not take her to the place where she would have given extra care and attention.

During one of my weekly visits to Government home, I saw a 14-15yr old boy who could not speak and was handicapped from his legs below knees. I have seen him even once before. Both the times when he was to be presented to the child welfare committee, the only caretaker who accompanied him was a 12yr old boy! There was no one else to help him walk, no one to pick him up as he could not climb up the stairs!!

Just before the weekend there was a girl found on one of the railway stations, she looked ill and sick. When taken to the doctor, the doctor said she is at the last stage of the TB and there are no chances of her to be saved. She doesn’t have a father and her mother seemed mentally unstable. The little girl passed away on Saturday :(

Yet, Every Child is Special!

The spiritual and philosophical side of me tells me that this was meant to happen! You play a role which you are supposed to. Well, agreed to a certain extent, but I strongly believe that we shape our own destiny and make our own life with the choices we make.

The practical side of me is now trying to find out ways in which some of these issues can be addressed. Questioning the way it is done till now…questioning the approach and the attitude…hoping I will reach a place beyond the battle of my rights v/s your responsibilities….a place where ‘Every child is special’ is more close to reality.

But I must admit here…that I am scared! Firstly of being getting used to all this, getting into the trap of right doing and wrong undoing and losing my emotions and I am pessimistic thinking we as a community have reached a stage from where it might become impossible for us to return…and the situation is slowly yet steadily going out of our hands, waiting to explode someday…SOON!!

(The views and opinions mentioned are strictly individual and not part of being any organization)